Sorrow is a Form of Grace

08/18/2010 Moon in Sagittarius

Today, I didn't do any organizing of the community. Today, I grieved. I went with my wife to the midwife today and she was unable to find our child's heartbeat. She sent us off to get an ultrasound, and the results were pretty conclusive. They were sent to the midwife who called us and let us know that the baby had stopped developing about a week ago. We laid in bed and cried together and held each other.

The reality of the situation is staggering and raises a lot of questions. The first question is always "why?" Unfortunately, this question is a hard one to answer, because it's one of the mysteries of life. But knowing that this particular kind of sorrow has been shared by millions of people throughout history gives me strength. The hardest part for us as a couple is that we've told lots of people, including our parents about it, so now, each conversation with our circle is like picking open a fresh emotional wound.

Tomorrow, I will be back out in the community because the only way to go is forward, with one foot in front of the other. I do recognize that the sorrow that I feel at this point in life is a form of grace. By allowing the pain of this experience to be fully felt, I know that we'll be able to experience a deeper sense of joy in the good moments of our life. I will see you all on the streets of Portland, and I look forward to healing amongst my fellow human beings.